May 3, 2024
Making the right decision for your business can be tough, even when you have a team of trusted advisors and a sound business plan. Throw in some emotional baggage from your personal life, and decision-making gets even harder. Family law disputes, separation, divorce, and child custody are a handful on their own, but add in work, and it’s a serious challenge.
Leadership starts with you. You cannot keep your emotions at home, because if you are upset, frustrated, or anxious, this will directly impact your business. You will have been there when you find yourself sending emails you regret or making snap decisions without enough information.
So, how can you put a “CEO mindset” on when life is a mess? It’s simple, but not easy. The best thing about a “CEO mindset” is that it isn’t about being invincible. It’s about understanding what’s going on inside your own mind.
Know that when you are making decisions, when you are upset, angry, frustrated, or scared, you are in “fight or flight” mode and your brain is not in control; your emotions are in control.
NEVER SEND AN EMAIL WHEN YOU ARE UPSET.
Your prefrontal cortex (your thinking brain) goes into cruise control, and your amygdala (your feeling brain) takes over. Don’t make decisions; write things down, but do not make calls or send emails.
Stop, don’t do or say anything. Do not check emails. Hit pause, go for a walk, take some deep breaths, talk to your coach or your spouse, and then come back to it when you are ready. I cannot stress enough that it is the best thing a leader can do.
The goal is to remain calm and logical at all times. Panic rarely results in great decisions.
When life is a stress ball, it is easy to make mountains out of molehills or make wrong assumptions and bad decisions based on your emotional state.
It is imperative to ask yourself, “What if I put emotion aside and looked at this objectively?”. It is okay to have an “X” and “Y” strategy. Your decision may involve not doing something right now and instead choosing to have more information before deciding.
The most important thing is to remain calm and logical and get professional help with advice and support at the beginning, so that you have all the information you need.
The information you seek is out there. There are a lot of articles on divorce and separation, and steps to take and what to do and not to do during this time. Seek good professional advice before you start, or you risk making a rash decision. For guidance on the practical steps involved in separation and protecting your interests, see this helpful resource on divorce and legal advice.
The most important thing in building a “CEO mindset” is to have a small group of trusted advisers, business or personal, who will have your back and tell you the truth. The best leaders are open and honest and are not afraid to share their thoughts or personal struggles with this small group.
When going through a separation, divorce or child custody battle, a great place to start is with experienced family lawyers, who can give you a clear understanding of your legal position, and a financial advisor, who can give you an idea of your financial position, or at least a good starting point.
The most important thing is to educate yourself. Nothing is more stressful and frustrating than not knowing what to expect or what lies ahead of you. The more knowledge you have, the less emotional you will be and the easier it will be for you to make rational decisions.
When you are dealing with family law, you must not get caught up in the emotional aspects of the battle, and decision-making should be as calm and level-headed as possible. Seek advice early on, and educate yourself before the battle begins.
Once you have your legal position sorted and your financial position, you are on the right path and will have far less anxiety and stress. I have found over the years that anxiety is the worst thing for leadership and for decision-making.
Focus on what you can control and what is in front of you. You have a right to feel how you feel, but you do not have a right to feel something that is not real.
Anxiety and stress can be a killer. They drain you of energy, and they distort your thoughts and perceptions. The last thing you want is to make a decision, based on emotion, that you cannot fix or change later down the track. Rational decisions lead to great leadership and better outcomes.
The majority of family law problems have far more similarities than differences and are about fairness and trying to reach an amicable resolution. When clients come to me with serious issues and say to me, “I want a bloodbath, I want her to pay”, I usually sit back and say to them, Let’s take a step back and see what’s in front of you.
If the other party is unwilling to negotiate and the court is your only option, then the best advice I can give is to get good, early advice so that you have all the information needed to make decisions.
When you are upset or stressed, your brain enters "fight or flight" mode, allowing your emotions to take over. This bypasses your prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for logical thought, making rational decision-making incredibly challenging.
It is best to step away from the situation entirely. Do not send emails or make calls. Instead, write down your thoughts, take a walk, or speak with a trusted advisor. Return to the task only when you feel calm and collected.
Ask yourself, "What if I put emotion aside and looked at this objectively?" Consider an 'X' and 'Y' strategy, which might mean delaying a decision to gather more information. Seeking professional advice early on can also provide objective insights.
Your inner circle should include a small group of trusted business or personal advisors who will tell you the truth. This might involve experienced family lawyers for legal clarity or a financial advisor for understanding your financial position, as recommended by Robin Waite Limited.
Educating yourself about what to expect, especially in complex situations like family law, reduces uncertainty. The more knowledge you have, the less emotional you will be, which in turn lowers anxiety and makes it easier to make rational decisions.
